Test of Today - Getting Started.

November 1st, 2025

Hello, again.

It has been a few years since I allowed myself to share my thoughts, at least officially that is. For my friends or followers who haven’t muted me yet on Instagram, you all know that I haven’t stopped expressing my immense discontentedness with the state of the world and its affairs.

I started to write so many times but I was, and still am, going through a period of great uncertainty and insecurity in my life. For the past few years, I’ve been recovering from post-concussive syndrome, along with battling a host of other issues that I won’t delve into right now, but ultimately, I have been trying to heal. In my personal opinion, having experienced both mental injuries and various physical injuries in my life (broken bones included), physical injuries are often easier to cope with.

I never had issues focusing. I could read for hours and hours and not get tired.

My mother would have to check on me after my bedtime to make sure I didn’t stay up reading. My family would try their hardest to distract me from the pages of whatever young adult novel I was reading at the time but it never worked.

So when I wasn’t able to read like that anymore, I got angry. I didn’t know it at the time, but I did. I was constantly frustrated with myself, staring at my library in resentment, thinking about how the words on those worn out pages used to bring me comfort and even joy. I read one book over two years for leisure.

12-year-old me would have been ashamed to say the very least, and she wasn’t very soft with her words.

I didn’t realize I was so angry and so frustrated with myself until earlier this year. I placed an order of books from an indigenous bookstore because they were donating to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund. The books arrived but remained in their box until months later.

Then I started a book that I thought would inspire me. While it did just that, it also made me cry and face realities that I didn’t expect. What I thought was going to be a pointed and critical discussion about immigration and racism transformed into exploring deep trauma from assimilation to the systemic disenfranchisement of immigrants to the barriers against women in healthcare and the stigma around mental health struggles. So it took me a couple of months to get through the first book of the year - I AM SORRY.

But then I decided to read something - light. The way that I wizzed through that book in less than 48 hours while still working full-time made the inner child in me do cartwheels. My husband, who I have been married to coming on three years now, was shocked. Even though he sat right next to me for the majority of fixation until I was complete, he was in awe (his words, not mine).

I cried. Not because the book was sad or my husband’s reaction, but because it was the first time in our whole marriage that I was able to read and enjoy it the way I used to. I was called a nerd throughout primary and secondary school. I took pride in that because it didn’t prevent me from also being the bossy leader of the study groups or the goofy chorus singer in the school play. So when I finally realized that in the last few years, I wasn’t acting like myself in so many ways, it was the silver lining I was unknowingly searching for. It was a sign that I was finally getting better - barring any more reconcussions (there were a few…).

So in the spirit of moving forward, for the next thirty days, I’m challenging myself to post my thoughts about my daily struggles. I’m using this time as an opportunity to gain my back some confidence but also to hold myself accountable, to myself. I owe it to myself to get better, physically and mentally.

Thus, my test of the day was just getting started. I have struggled with prioritizing myself and my goals. I’ve been insecure and unsure of myself and my voice, therefore, I decided that the best way to break out of that cycle was to commit.

I look forward to the next 29 days and what tests await me. Hopefully I’ll learn a few things by then.

Ta-ta for now!

P.S. November came at the perfect time because I needed a reason to start this and give myself a deadline. What better deadline than my 27th birthday?