Test of Today - Debating Delays

November 20, 2025

Salam and good evening.

I’m pretty tired right now so please excuse my brevity and in case my thoughts don’t make a whole lot of sense.

Today’s topic and test was all about delay. I received confirmation that I am booked for surgery for early next week, and I would then find out if I have a lifelong battle with another disorder ahead of me or that they have found the cause of my pain, and removed it.

I have been waiting over a year for this surgery, in Canada at least. Had I spent money that I did not have, I would have been able to get this surgery done in another country and had my answers in a much shorter time frame. That wasn’t a real option for me.

Delays can be demotivating. Delays can even be debilitating.

And sometimes, delays must happen, and they are a blessing in disguise.

I had to delay applying to law school for multiple reasons, mainly to do with my health.

Today, I had to decide to cause a delay that I didn’t want, but knew that doing so, was the best thing for me. I had to postpone the launch event for my new small business, my first official business. I had been planning and prepping for months and weeks and finally settled on a date, this weekend.

Then I got a call telling me that the surgery, which I needed to prepare for, would happen in the days after the event. My anxiety soared. My mind started racing.

I tried to first convince myself that I could do both, that it would be fine. Then I started to think more practically about all the preparation I had to do before the surgery.

Firstly, I had to make sure that I was as healthy as possible before the surgery; meaning no surprise infections or sicknesses, which were common especially after social gatherings for me.

Then there was the matter of making sure my home was prepped and stocked for the weeks after the surgery. Given that Canada often sends patients home on the same day for most procedures now, I had to make sure I had meals ready, medicines ready, and any additional supplies for cleaning and changing wound dressings.

I’m blessed to have help and support nearby. I am grateful that I won’t be alone in my recovery but I still have immense anxiety about it all.

The last time I underwent surgery and intubation, I suffered complications that lead me back to the hospital. So, there is always the fear that I might deal with that again.

I’m trying to stay calm and hopeful. The only comfort I have is in my faith that Allah SWT will protect me and keep me safe before, during, and after the procedure.

So, while one delay felt larger and made me feel defeated, I will finally be getting an answer (I pray), and I hope to be able to get back to a state of normalcy, or whatever that may look like.

I will not be giving up on my venture; I’m just taking the time to focus on myself and ensure that I can put 100% in all my work.

Delays are not always bad; they might just be what the doctor ordered.

Salam.

Test of Today - Oversharing

November 19th, 2025

Salam friends.

I am the type to overshare. I struggle to know how much information too much information is. A comment I received more times than I can count from my teachers was to lessen the regurgitation of facts and focus on the argument.

My response would always be “don’t facts prove your argument?” I struggle to balance my writing with facts, feelings, and objective, unique observations. I would stray away from including verbose quotations for the risk that I might be flagged for plagiarism.

Watching an episode of Survivor today, I unexpectedly started sobbing when a contestant shared her experience with autism and the resulting anxieties and challenges, she faces. She was overwhelmed by the support she felt, and I felt so happy for her. For her experience to be validated and for her to share her diagnosis, despite the risk that people would use that to potentially take advantage of her, brought a warmth to my heart I haven’t felt in some time.

As someone who was always told to filter their words and thoughts, because they were excessive, irrelevant, or even seen as rude, I had to learn to pick and choose when I could be myself. I knew that not everyone would be receptive to the topics of discussion I often veer to and before certain situations, I have to force myself to think of conversation points that won’t “trigger” or cause tension, often those topics are political or dealing with social justice issues.

In the past few years, I became somewhat of a hermit. I avoided social situations, for a myriad of reasons. Some days, I was in genuine pain. Other days, I couldn’t emotionally regulate. The remaining days, I couldn’t bring myself to normalize social entertainment, while an ongoing genocide was and is occurring against various communities. I didn’t and still often don’t know how to act “normally” anymore.

Many friendships were lost during this time. I was asked repeatedly if I was able to share content that wasn’t depressing, to maybe share some memes. My only response was, I do post memes, about the abysmal state of our world, and if they didn’t like it, they could leave my circle.

I set up a no tolerance policy in my personal life. I do not normalize relationships with people who support Zionism or are neutral about the ongoing oppression and erasure of millions around the globe, at the hands of any colonial government. I do not support any form of supremacy, be that white supremacy, Jewish supremacy, or Islamic supremacy. I say this as a Muslim, and I truly believe that any Muslim should agree, no human is above another and none can be judged except for by Allah SWT.

Do I regret taking such a staunch stance? Absolutely not.

Do I regret that I called out Zionist sympathizers and still do? Nope.

Do I wish that I shared less? No. I wish I shared more.

I wish that I spent as much time censoring myself and questioning my content for fear of rejection or the invariable social consequences. I wish that I was as firm in my speech as I am in my beliefs.

The only regret I have is that I suppressed my own voice, because I thought I could highlight the voices that needed to be heard more. Instead, I needed and need to continue to do both.

It should not be considered oversharing – it should be considered as raising awareness or a form of social education. It was imperative in my upbringing that I was exposed to people of different ethnicities and religions, I was raised with the reminder that we are all born the same, that nothing sets us apart except for the acts we commit in this life. Be they good or bad, that is how we will be remembered.  

Now I’m not saying I will be sharing all aspects of my personal and daily life; however, I think this challenge has reminded me the importance of community. Community can alienate or validate. Just as with Survivor, I was able to find some community that shared my views on the state of the world, and the more I continued to share, I received messages from people I hadn’t heard from in years, saying thank you. They were thanking me for being as vocal as I was, even though I was feeling guilty for not doing enough.

The first time I was thanked for sharing the resources I did, I cried, well more like sobbed. I was shaken by the fact that someone felt that I made a difference in their life, that they were inspired to speak out more, despite most of our “community” remaining silent.

In that moment, I knew that all the so-called friends I had lost, were not meant to be my friends.

In Islam, we are advised that the circle of people we choose to associate with reflect who we are. Therefore, I chose and still choose to fill my circle with people who share the same values and do their best to live by them.

To be clear, those values are:

1.      Respect and kindness – to people, animals, and the environment.

2.      Tolerance of all identities (excluding those that require supremacy against others ie Zionism or MAGA)

If you fit into the two categories above, then you’ve likely passed the requirements to be my friend, not that I’m accepting applications for that right now anyway. Just kidding.

While one can never have too many friends, its important to be selective and cautious. My mother always warned me when she noticed certain “friends” were not acting as genuine, and she always turned out to be right in the end. It wasn’t until I lost touch with so many people at once that I learned the same lesson for myself.

In case you don’t feel supported by your friends, ask yourself if these friends reflect who you are, and who you want to be. If the answer is no, then maybe they aren’t the friends for you.

Your friends won’t consider your thoughts and feelings as “oversharing” nonsense. They will see value in your words, and they will respond in kind.

Remember that there is always a community out there for you, you might just have to find yourself first.

Sending love to all today.

Salam.

Test of Today - Typos and Humanity

November 18, 2025

Salam, friends.

While I like to call myself AI sometimes, I’m only human and as such, I make mistakes. They may be minor, but they often haunt me in the moments before I sleep because I am indeed not a robot. I would love to have endless hours of seamless productivity. Wouldn’t anyone? 

Or is that just something we’ve been trained to believe? Now, having typographical errors in your virtual speech can mean the difference between actual “bots” and real people, with real feelings. I saw a post from a social activist content creator today where he had a typo in his most recent caption, but in the next slide, said at least people can trust that none of his content is written by AI.

AI has made me increasingly more distrusting of information and “artistic” content now, with darn good reason too. AI data centres increased tenfold within the USA in the last two years,

Canada currently has less than 250 data centres, but this number is projected to rise significantly over the next five years. There are bids for currently for lands on First Nations territory, which should be protected environmental lands, many of which already face significant issues due to climate change, existing mining and fracking projects, and the continued neglect to secure funding to further conserve and protect the flora and fauna. An area in Alberta is being pushed to host an AI data centre, where drought is already a predominant issue and a stronger concern for wildfire zones.

Data centres not only require mass amount of energy, but they also require large proportions of water, that will ultimately be polluted by the PFAs (aka forever plastics and chemicals) that are leached into the general water supply. This has been happening to hundreds of cities in the United States, mainly in the Mid-West, some towns wholly evacuated because of the damage to the quality of life, with no support or regard from the government or corporations that caused the issue to begin with. Most of these data centres are constructed in areas where residents already experience some level of disenfranchisement or are already vulnerable communities.

Canadians can track and view the location of existing and new data centres at this link: CER – Market Snapshot: Energy demand from data centers is steadily increasing, and AI development is a significant factor

AI could have been an incredible technological tool to aid in education and support various industries, but like with anything, there had to be a balance. Instead, AI is now the go to, for students, teachers, doctors, lawyers, politicians, and its even replaced human connection in many cases already. AI has the power to uncover and manipulate images, voices, and if that doesn’t terrify you, I don’t know what will.

Black Mirror is no longer far from our reality. From the Nueralink to AI ‘reincarnations’ of past loved ones, this is our current reality and if we are not careful, we’ll be subscribing to ad-free versions of our own thoughts soon.

I do not use ChatGPT or other AI services on a daily, weekly, or even monthly basis. I have only used AI when asked or prior to my knowledge about the environmental costs and impacts of its use.

AI has been proven to degrade our critical thinking skills and speed if we rely on these “tools” to support our everyday thoughts. I have seen people on the bus, in restaurants, using ChatGPT to ask straightforward questions, and then receiving certifiably incorrect information, often lying to its consumers.

I implore anyone with an AI app installed on their phone, to delete them. ChatGPT has admitted to providing its chat logs to police forces without consent, which lead to an increase in censorship and the targeting of individuals who speak out against the government and its policies, namely concerning Palestinian freedom. There have been four suicides (confirmed) that resulted directly from ChatGPT coercing and convincing the users that taking their own life was the solution to their problems.

If AI was controlled by the government and used for specific reasons, I could see the benefit to education and humanity. However, as it stands, there is no accountability for anyone in the corporate industry and that especially includes AI. Please be safe with your personal information when using AI and avoid uploading personal photos, because they can use your likeness to create other images.

Typos are no longer just a sign of a small mistake in writing, they can now be a sign that there is a human behind the screen, rather than a voice inside one.

Salam.

Helpful Links:

Does AI Harm Critical Thinking - Duke Learning Innovation & Lifetime Education

Canada’s data-centre ambitions face a power struggle | Canada's National Observer: Climate News

Explained: Generative AI’s environmental impact | MIT News | Massachusetts Institute of Technology

DOE: Data centers consumed 4.4% of US power in 2023, could hit 12% by 2028 - DCD

AI Data Centers Are Coming for Your Land, Water and Power - CNET

Data Center Boom Risks Health of Already Vulnerable Communities | TechPolicy.Press

Test of Today - Trust and Optimism

November 17th, 2025

Salam.

I’m not sure where the majority stands in terms of their trust and whether they give it freely or sparsely. I’m part of the latter group but I wasn’t always conditioned to be this way.

As a teen, my friends would always say that I was just “book smart” because I was often too trusting or naïve. I took what people said at face value and often quite literally.

As an adult, I have my suspicions that there were reasons for my behaviour beyond innocence and optimism, but I won’t speculate here.

Now, I have swung in the opposite direction. I find myself cynical and justifying it by labelling it as pragmatism.

Without rehashing my medical history for the umpteenth this year, I will say that living through the last four years, I have become extremely grateful for my circumstances. I know I complain a lot and I still struggle, but I know that I have been blessed with so much as well. To be able to get better, I had to trust that the advice I was given and the medicines I was taking, were eventually going to result in a healthier version of me, regardless of the obstacles.

I could not say the same if I was born in Gaza. I could not say the same if I was born in Darfur. Even if I had been born in rural Iran or Iraq where my family was from, I could not guarantee that I would be where I am today, and I must be thankful to Allah SWT for that but also acknowledge that I am so very privileged.

When I was going through inexplicable pain myself, I was able to walk to the hospital and get seen by a doctor the same day. Granted there was a wait time, but who cares? I also got scans that would have likely put me in crippling debt had I not been in Canada. I was blessed to have been diagnosed, to have been validated in those moments by the medical team, rather than dismissed as being dramatic. It was a stark contrast from the care I had been receiving in hospitals in previous years.

I’m still waiting for treatment and a full diagnosis that can only be done after surgery, but I should be “hopeful”.

Except that I am constantly feeling guilty for even being able to seek this treatment. Countless women who could have been saved from the violence, were now gone. I feel guilty because this violence is either funded by the same government who guarantees our healthcare system or our government chooses to normalize the violence for their own gain.

My tax dollars, fund violence. Not by my desire. Not by my vote. I’ve signed petitions to Parliament. I’ve called and written to government representatives, not nearly as much as I should have, but I did and I was always met with the same generic response “AB really cares about your opinions, and this will be brought to their attention” or some auto-response like that.

So, how can I not feel guilty? When my peers, my sisters in Islam and in this world, are suffering a fate that could have been my own?

That’s why I struggle to feel optimistic about the future, be it my own or others. I strongly feel that no human is above another. We all deserve the same access to safety and comfort and a decent quality of life.

The only reason that world peace isn’t a reality is because of people who think they deserve better and are above others.

There are no ethical billionaires. Why do they even exist? I could not tell you.

My literal thinking expects that the world powers at would find fault in this system and try to rectify it so that equity and equality may actually become part of our society. Maybe that is naïve of me, to assume that people would just do as they say, to live up to the values they claim to have.

Thus, my struggle with trust and optimism will likely never end.

Salam.

Test of Today - Dissociating

November 16, 2025

Salam friends.

I was watching Selling OC today and someone was snapped out of a “dissociative state” in a scene. I thought to myself, what if a whole day goes by without realizing you’re dissociating?

That’s what being on autopilot is like – it’s a means of survival but its also a measure of how stressed your mind and body are at any given moment.

I dissociated most when I was most anxious and paranoid.

That doesn’t mean that I don’t dissociate or daydream now, its just that I try to be more conscious of when I’m doing it and I try to practice grounding myself instead.

I’m still struggling to get a full night’s sleep this week (I blame Mercury). This morning in particular was difficult because I couldn’t handle a cup of coffee this morning either. As I like to say sometimes – the brain is not braining well today.

I’m grateful that I know the reason for my brain fog today, because for the last decade, I had no idea what was causing it. There were days where I would feel like my outspoken and spunky self, and there were more days where I was moody, anxious, and unmotivated all at the same time. It was genuinely awful, because no matter how much I wanted to be able to read a book or do something productive like organizing the kitchen, which I actually enjoy doing, become mountainous tasks that I can’t grasp.

It’s a part of living with a chronic illness; some days are better than others. I’ve had to learn that I’m not exempt from that. I’m still learning my limitations and the best ways to rest and recover after experiencing a flare up.

I caught myself talking down to myself today, again. I was thinking about how much more productive I used to be, despite not being able to sleep comfortable without a electric heating pad set to the max for several nights. As the saying goes – we are our harshest critics, and that has always been true for me.

There is no one that could make me feel worse about a mistake, than myself. Through therapy, I’ve learned to be “kinder” to myself, but in a way its also just me being more realistic with myself. I try not to harbour expectations for myself that I wouldn’t hold for others.

If a friend is ill, will I force them to meet me for coffee? Absolutely not, I’d tell them to take care of themselves and ask if I can bring anything by to help them feel better.

If a coworker is overwhelmed and struggling with a deadline, do I abandon them and go home early? No, I stay and make sure I do anything and everything in my power to help. If I can’t’ help, at least I’ll provide support in some other way to ease their load.

These aren’t special reactions, it’s what I consider being a human and showing basic empathy and care for the people in our lives. So, when asked why I didn’t treat myself with the same reverence?

I didn’t have a good answer.

So, today, I cleaned up a little, because that always makes me feel productive and like I haven’t wasted the day. I changed the bed sheets – which sucks to do but feels incredible when done. I struggled with my new website (classic). Finally, I wrote this post.

Despite feeling less than fantastic, you (and I) can still get a lot done.

So, the next time you’re pondering whether you have the energy or wherewithal to do something, consider if doing it would make you feel better or worse? If it’s the latter, then why do it at all?

That’s all I have for today, folks.

Till tomorrow, salam!

Test of Today - Irony

November 15, 2025

Salam, all.

Irony. Often missed by the masses but prevalent none the less.

I was so busy overthinking that while I prepared yesterday’s post, I forgot to actually – post. The ironic part of this moment is that, had this mistake happened a year ago, I likely would have given up on this challenge all together – instead, I’m admitting that I still have faults because I am not a robot at the end of the day (though they are very faulty as well). I committed to doing this challenge for no one but myself, so it didn’t matter if it wasn’t posted on time, as long as it was written on time.

This irony is twofold, though. I say that I would have reacted differently to making the same mistake because I’m at a very different place mentally than a year ago. I was working myself to the point of burn out almost every month. It was making me so ill that I could never really recover, but I thought that doing “nothing” on the weekends was my recovery. Except that the nothing would be all the personal and household responsibilities that I would pass off for the same time.

Now, I can’t imagine putting myself through that knowing how I feel now. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

In the same breath, will this mean that I will never work myself to the point of burn out again? Probably not, because I still care deeply about the work I do and I respect my responsibilities too much.

I was the nerd that missed school when we were on summer break. I enjoyed learning, though I didn’t enjoy all the subjects equally. I’m humble enough to acknowledge that I will likely never understand or be able to assist anyone with physics or complex math beyond grade 10. I know that my skills and my passions lie elsewhere, and that I would be of much better use in those fields as a result.

Say what you will about Chinese and Russian politics, but I understand and respect the idea that you would want to enrich and encourage children to excel and work on skills that they are naturally gifted in. Granted, I do believe that the children have a right to dislike and make choices for themselves as well. I didn’t want to do ballet forever, and eventually I signed up for Taekwondo in the third grade. Do I have a black belt? Absolutely, not even close. I do, however, recall most of the ballet positions I learned and the techniques around stage presence and performance. Taekwondo taught me humility and a subtle grace, while I couldn’t be the strongest in the room, I could be clever.  Ballet taught me discipline and so did Taekwondo.

Ironically, my competitiveness didn’t truly flourish until I joined a different kind of fighting ring. The verbal one, that is. Model United Nations and Debate Club. Its not a surprise to my family that I decided to pursue a career in law, or to really who knows me. I love a good debate, but I lost some of that fervour after I was concussed and dealing with other personal issues. Fighting wasn’t fun, it was stressful and exhausting, in every sense.

A part of this challenge for me was also learning to find balance, in all things. I was looking for a way to still show I care, to express myself and my views, but also not let it consume me to the point that I no longer am of use to anyone, including myself.

I’m still learning to do that – finding that balance will be a lifelong mission, I think.

Thus, I find humour in these moments now, that used to scare and immobilize me. There will never be a part of me that isn’t scared to fall back into that place, but I can’t be scared to live for the rest of my life.

Salam.

Test of Today - Overthinking.

November 14, 2025

(written but posted one day late)

Salam, friends.

Al-HamdAllah we made it to another Friday.

Overthinking. A skill I mastered early in life and never fail to excel at.

This week’s test has been a flare up, but for the last several months, that has been an ongoing and recurring challenge I’ve had to deal with. I’m hopeful that I’ll get some answers soon and maybe some relief.

In the meantime, I’ve been trying to keep busy but I’m still struggling with procrastination. I know yesterday’s post might make it seem like I’m all ready to go and constantly motivated… Unfortunately, not.

My mother is my inspiration because she’s the exact opposite. She doesn’t know nor understand the meaning of procrastination.

Maybe she did before motherhood, but since I have been on this Earth, my mother has been nothing short of a machine when it comes to work ethic. She does not tire – may Allah always bless her with health and success. She always encouraged me to put 100% of my effort into anything I did, because if you didn’t try your hardest, what was the point?

Even with the simple task of cutting mushrooms for salad as a young girl, I was told “if you’re not going to do it right, don’t do it at all.” I’ve carried that sentiment around me for my whole life. I live by it, to a fault sometimes.

Currently, I’m awaiting a response from the university where I got my masters, to validate and certify a degree that I have had now, for three years. They have not responded to my initial email I sent, three weeks ago. The response time estimated was 10 business days.

To say that I get frustrated with the inefficiency of bureaucracy and the tedious administrative processes, is an understatement. Don’t even get me started on having to pay for transcripts ten times over from the same office, repeatedly. Its not life my grades have changed, nor has my legal name.

Thus, I feel like I’m at a standstill. Until I get a response and confirmation that my transcripts from another country are going to be submitted on time, I feel like there is no point to any of the work I do, in case it cannot be done despite my efforts.

That’s a stupid reason and I know it is. Its also just a convenient way to justify putting off a process that is “not fun” and quite stressful.

Instead of letting myself procrastinate (completely that is), I’m shifting my perspective again.

I’m not going to procrastinate because it makes sense to wait for the confirmation. I’m going to work on what I least enjoy so I can focus my efforts on the things I do enjoy, and the rest, will follow (I hope).

I’m hoping that with that small shift, I’ll be able to start working like my mom.

Till tomorrow.

Salam.

Test of Today - Waiting Rooms

November 13th , 2025

Salam. 

I never understood waiting rooms. Especially at clinics. 

Depending on your reason for visiting, waiting rooms are probably one of the most biologically hazardous places you could expose yourself to. I might be an extremist when it comes to pessimism and my little faith in humanity and the concept of basic hygiene. 

When COVID brought along tutorials on how to properly wash your hands, I was sure that the content HAD to be tailored to children. Boy, was I sorely and regrettably disappointed in myself for expecting better of adults. 

I'm no stranger to a waiting room. Being an occasional visitor at the local emergency room and a regular at the clinic, I've gotten used to waiting. The anxiety I feel while waiting though, that never dissipates. Worrying that I will get sicker than I came into the building just by sitting and breathing the same air (even with a mask). 

I think what irks me most about waiting rooms is that your appointment could be at 10:00 AM but the doctor won't be able to see you until 11:00 AM because of the backlog and the walk in patients. But if you're late or miss your check in time, you're considered a no-show and might even be charged a cancellation fee. 

I don’t know what the clear alternative is to waiting rooms, but I feel like it would make more sense to have separated rooms that get sanitized for waiting in case there is someone with a more infectious or contagious ailment. But what do I know?

More than RFK Jr. that’s for damn sure. Then again, the head of the department of education in the US became the CEO of WWE too so that’s the where the bar is for expertise required for government positions these days.

A thought while I was waiting for my appointment today was – how often do we spend our life waiting?

Not just waiting in line or for appointments, but for the “right moment” or the perfect opportunity. Despite neither being guaranteed, there are billions of people now and in history that are just “waiting for their chance”, whatever that may be.

My husband and I made the decision to get married young, relative to today’s terms that is. With a mother who was married just shy of 18 and a grandmother who was married at 15, getting married at 23 seemed pretty reasonable. We also made the decision that we wanted to do life together, through the good and the bad, the guaranteed good times and the dreaded and inevitable bad times. We asked ourselves – why wait? Granted, we had known each other for several years already and dated romantically before arriving at this mutual decision. I would not advise rushing into marriage.

There are a few exceptions to this rule, of course. Tattoos, for example.

When people come to find out that I have a tattoo, they are often surprised. They don’t know that I was incessantly asking my mother every chance I could to get this tattoo from the moment I turned 15. I even went as far as calling tattoo parlours in Vancouver that would accept me with my mother’s consent, many who were even reluctant to entertain my inquiry, for the right reasons.

Ultimately, my mother was right to make me wait, even though I got the same tattoo I wanted in the same place four years later.

So, when people ask me, if they should get a tattoo. My response is always the same – if you still want the same tattoo in a year, then they should do it. Otherwise, it was just a fleeting and impulsive urge that they would likely come to regret.

The only regret I have with my tattoo, is not getting it touched up within the first six months. Take that with a grain of salt though, its yet to be a decade that I’ve had them on my body. So, regret might set in later.

Waiting, like all things in life, should be a moderated practice. Don’t rush into things but also, don’t let your dreams pass by before you get a chance to make them reality.

Instead of waiting – sometimes it’s better to just do and think later. Sometimes.

I’m testing that theory out now. I launched my first business today – if you’re into flowers, food, and making friends, then maybe this is perfect for you too.

Ya Galbi Curations – yagalbi.org

I’m sure this will be the first test of this business but I’m anxiously excited to see what awaits, whatever that may be.

Salam.

Ya Galbi Curations Logo

Ya Galbi Curations, concept and creation by me.

Test of Today - Mercury in Retrograde, Again.

November 12, 2025.

Salam, friends. 

Firstly, happy anniversary to my husband, I’m ever grateful to have been blessed with your love. These past few years have only convinced me that we made the right decision, because I don’t know how I would have gotten through without you making me laugh and smile. I love you.

-----

I would like to preface this post by stating that I do not believe in astrology... 100%. I do not believe in daily or even monthly horoscopes, but I do know for a fact that the moon and gravity or whatever it may be, has the power to move and disrupt oceans. When we as humans are made up of 70% water, I cannot rule out the possibility that the moon may affect us and our moods as well. I’m not saying we’re all secretly werewolves, but I do think there are too many inexplicable “coincidences” that I cannot say with certainty that we aren’t cosmically affected by these events.

The first time I became truly convinced of the potential “reality” behind astrology was three years ago, during this exact time. Since the concussion, I’ve battled with insomnia, and I’ve taken medication and supplements on and off to help with those symptoms. Now despite my medication which almost always works, I struggled to sleep almost every night for at least two weeks. Congruently, I discovered that Mercury was in retrograde in Sagittarius that month. I am a Sagitarius and apparently, according to astrology, that would mean people who hold Sagitarius as their sun-sign would struggle with sleep and more specifically decision making. Now did I believe that the first time I saw it on TikTok? Absolutely not.

Until I had a conversation with my coworkers, who were complaining about their terrible sleep as well. Both of whom were also women, also Sagitarius’, from two different generations, three including me. So, I took it upon myself to conduct an informal survey around the office and ask if anyone else had struggle with their sleep during this time. Nope. Over the 50+ people in the office, and I probably asked 90% of them, said they had no issues with their sleep. Now I know this is not a peer-reviewed study about the correlation of sleep disruption in the general population, but that is a pretty strong “coincidence” if we want to call it that.

It could also be, what Jung called “synchronicity”. This concept is very well explained on a podcast my husband introduced me to today, linked here. Synchronicities | The Science Behind Your Meaningful Coincidences Summarily, synchronicities are from the surface, coincidences but they are too strong to be “just random”. Like the concept of manifestation, it’s based on the law of attraction.

Thus, that moment three years ago when discussing my awful sleep with my fellow Sagitarius, to discover they were experiencing the same thing with no discernable reason, was synchronicity. Be it the universe or confirmation bias based on my TikTok feed, it happened.

Now three years later, I am again struggling to sleep with no distinct reason, except for that Mercury is once again, in retrograde in Sagitarius. Now before you tell me that’s just because I’m overthinking it, I didn’t know that Mercury was in retrograde. It has been three or four days since I’ve been able to truly fall asleep and rest, so coincidentally, I decided to look it up to see if per chance, the same thing had happened again.

And oh golly, it did.

Again, I’m not saying I believe in astrology and horoscopes generally.

But I also can’t rule it out as an impossibility completely for the very reason that I have no other explanation.

Maybe this is an Akam’s Razor of sorts but I’m content allowing the universe to do its thing. As a Muslim, I believe that I’ll get my answers in the afterlife, and that is the only way I can quench that curiosity.

Hopefully this is all placebo effect, and I can get a good long sleep tonight, Insha’Allah.

Ta-ta friends and salam!

Test of Today - 11:11 & Remembrance

November 11th, 2025

Salam.

11:11 - make a wish. That’s a superstition I learned in university.

Despite knowing that 11:11 appears in time and in date so often that it wouldn’t be conscionable to presume that wishes, indeed came true if made at that time.

Before coming to university, I learned about the 11th of November as a vital date in recent world history. World War I ended on this day, over a century ago.

Canada and other “allied” powers refer to this day as Remembrance Day, a day to mourn the lives of veterans lost during war.

War - a battle between two or more parties, fighting for land, power, and control.

In Victoria Park, North Vancouver, Canada, there is a war memorial that is adorned with plaques denoting the dates and wars that Canadian soldiers fought in. World War I and II, the Korean War, and “Afghanistan” for “peacekeeping”. (North Vancouver Cenotaph | Veterans Affairs Canada)

Afghanistan, like Iraq, was not a war. These were invasions of sovereign nations, meant to disrupt and destroy all infrastructure so that a power vacuum would emerge, and the benevolent Western nations would provide aid and supervision.

War crimes upon war crimes committed on these lands and against these people, for no reason other than for a foreign power to exploit a resource they now need.

Sufficed to say, when I first saw the cenotaph, I was tempted to start a petition to pull at least, that plaque down. Except for the fact that I didn’t want to be targeted and attacked by the Maple MAGA’s for “defacing” and “offending” the veterans. Even though, the same veterans who risked their lives for this country are left with no support when they get back home from their “service”.

This generation understands the cost of war, especially students who have studied it for decades against their will.

I learned about the events that lead up to the World Wars and change to the world order that followed, multiple times and in varying levels of detail. Not to mention all of the Hollywood propaganda I was fed as a youth about the military industrial complex and how they were “the good guys”.

Except most of what we were taught and shown, was selective at best and censoring at worst.

It wasn’t until I was research for my dissertation did I learn that Hitler was inspired by the American settlements and the genocide they committed against the natives, the “labour force” they created with slavery. The founding fathers of the United States of America were role models to Hitler.

Why are their faces still imprinted on the side of a Mountain? Why are documented colonizers and white supremacists on every currency note and coin?

While I don’t condemn the government mandating federal holidays, I wish the days we were “celebrating” or “remembering” weren’t juxtaposing the other’s messages.

Many of the soldiers who were “conscripted” in North America were none other than the already disenfranchised groups and communities that were seen as less than. From the Chinese Head Tax to Japanese Internment Camps, to Residential Schools and our current system of incarceration, the powers considered people of colour less than their Caucasian counterparts, in value and in social hierarchy.

Among intersectional scholars, the more “labels” you have, the further apart you are from the ideal citizen and the powers that be that created that persona. Many who misunderstand intersectionality assume that the goal of this theory is for no one to be labeled at all. That is incorrect.

The basis of intersectionality is that the only way to be truly equal, to live in an equitable society, is to acknowledge the ways in which the systems have create privilege and disadvantages in race, sex, gender, sexuality, religion, and overall identity. It is not the aim for people to be “race blind” or apathetic to all issues relating to human rights, but instead to validate and implement ways to unlearn and reframe our own understanding of power and privilege.

The major obstacle is that those who have led privileged lives thus far, do not wish to risk their comfort.

It is easy to sympathize and give charity sparingly when you’ve never experienced hardship or rejection for parts of yourself beyond human control.

With the rise of MAGA and their attempt to coerce the masses into accepting their revisionist history, where they want to erase mention of slavery and the evil that their forefathers committed and replace that with a facade of glory.

It’s like Margaret Atwood was looking into the future by writing The Handmaid’s Tale, instead of writing a haunting fiction and thriller. I haven’t been able to watch past season two because it all got too real. I was seeing women and children die in real life on my phone, on a minutely basis. I couldn’t watch what was labeled as “entertainment” but truly felt like a warning for the times to come.

Thus, here we are. November 11th, 2025.

Women have had the right to vote in most Western nations for almost a century. Women’s health is still underfunded, under researched, and generally, regarded as a non-concern in political circles. Roe v. Wade was overturned in 2022. (Roe v. Wade | Summary, Origins, Right to Privacy, & Overturning | Britannica) Women’s health isn’t the only sector suffering due to incompetence and unwillingness to be humane; today Canada lost its measle’s elimination status. (Canada has lost its measles elimination status: Here's what to know | Vancouver Sun) This means that within the last year, Canada has failed to contain the initial measles outbreak that caused a resurgence of the illness in October 2024. For 27 years, measles was effectively eliminated from Canada, and any cases were contained from the public.

With the rise of “doctors” like Jordan Peterson and his buddy RFK Jr., who happens to be Head of the Health department in the US, its no wonder that Canada and the US are no longer safe havens from communicable diseases. (https://www.nbcnews.com/tech/misinformation/youtube-removes-video-rfk-jr-jordan-peterson-misinformation-rcna90060)

So much for the civilized West, huh?

While today is a day to mourn soldiers and their “sacrifice”, let’s not forget the people that were pillaged and brutalized on the other side. When our government claims to work towards Reconciliation but at the same time seeks to remove the rights of the First Nations in the same breathe, its hard to convince yourself that politicians care enough to fight for what’s right, let alone tell the truth.

Yaser Arafat, leader of the Palestinian Liberation Operation from the late 60’s to early 2000’s, also passed away on this day in 2004. (Yasser Arafat | Faces of Palestine) The name will trigger any Zionist, especially the world leaders that sought to paint him and Yahya Sinwar as terrorists, instead of the revolutionaries and freedom fighters that they hoped and prayed to be.

The victor will write out history for all to read. We’re told that we must learn from history as to not repeat those same mistakes.

What do we do when our leaders are trying to change history, right in front of us?

I don’t know, but I do know that once a regime starts banning books and censoring school lessons, history has shown that is when they start to bring out their own demise.

All this is to say, that I see no point to war or the military, except as a labour force and service for those in power that benefit. Since my youth, I have never seen a point to the wars that we claim are necessary for our “democracy”. I know that every time a life is lost senselessly, there is nothing that can be done to change that fact.

Anyone who wants to try to change my mind about the “need” for the military and the insurmountable number of weapons that could burn the planet a hundred times over, can discuss that with a mirror.

I wish for you the peace and comfort that you wish for others. If you don’t wish well for anyone but yourself, then, that says more about you, doesn’t it?

Salam, friends, I hope you make your wishes and say your prayers, for that might be our only savior.

P.S. Sorry for the gloom and despair, but it happens to be reality. It sucks for us but how much worse is it on those who can’t escape?

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today – Moody Monday & The Concept of Money

November 10th, 2025

Salam, friends.

It seems strange to say that we’re already ten days into the month of November, and so much closer to the new year.

I was going to name today’s test “The Economy” but that felt like a cop out. Each day we live, it seems like we can blame the economy for something. It used to be that we couldn’t control the weather – but in trying to do so, we’ve forgotten about reality.

Everyone’s reality is a little bit different because of a funny thing we call, perception. However, we as humans, are fallible in our perceptions. As with our memories, our perceptions can be shaped and influenced by our feelings, the environment, and the people we listen to, whether they are real or not.

With the everyday battle now with AI, struggling to determine what is real and what is a computer-generated hallucination, we often can’t be sure of anything we’re told. What was reality, and fact, yesterday, could be debunked today. Then rebunked (not a word, but should it be?)?

This Monday was gloomy, in weather and in thought. I was reminded of why I decided to boycott Amazon, and Walmart, and all the other corporate oligarchies that our governments are so intent on propping up. Dynamic pricing.

What used to be a consequence of physical location and demographic, prices for groceries and basic necessities like milk and bread, are now determined by AI powered readers and sensors that change the price tags of items before your eyes.

We’ve known for some years that online shopping platforms and retailers were employing this dynamic pricing strategy based on data collected from third-party sellers or from our very devices, through targeted advertising or blatant promotions sent directly to your inbox.

Brick and Mortar stores used to be a safe haven for people, not just for the necessary social interaction but because consumers knew that once prices were set (at least for the day) they wouldn’t change. That is no longer our reality as consumers anymore.

The price of food, of electronics, its all imaginary now. At least, that’s what it feels like. The “experts” in charge of creating these policies are the same people that don’t have to question if they can afford their bills at the end of the month. The same people telling millions of struggling families who cannot afford to maintain basic, humane quality of life, even in the “civilized West”, are the same few who cannot tell you the last time they bought their own milk or bread.

The concept of money, from its inception, whether you believe that was the Babylonians or the Romans, has always been value for value. Money was created to act as a conduit to exchange goods and services and give those meaning, a value. What happens when that value is constantly changing? When nothing else improves but life becomes more costly, what does that mean?

I can’t help but think of Marie Antoinette. She thought she was safe, she thought she could appease the masses while they were starving and she was lavishly living a life that was funded and provided by the same people she dismissed.

Maybe I just need some cake?

Money is and always has been “imaginary.” Certain men decided upon the value and then the rest of the world followed suit. So, why is it that people are willing to do anything, even commit murder, for money?

Because money is the means to power; to gain the right to determine the price and not worry that you’ll be able to pay.

Sorry if I made you as moody as I was this Monday. I’m trying to figure out where the best value for money is these days, and if that is even a possibility, let alone a reality these days.

Any tips on alternative retailers where I can find nice home décor and dinnerware (that won’t cost more than my rent), that would be much appreciated.

Salam.

Test of Today - Root Rot

Salam.

Root Rot.

If you’re not a plant owner, you may not know what root rot is. If you’re a superior plant owner to me, you may never have encountered root rot before.

I’ve kept several plants alive over the years, and I’ve had some success with orchids over the years, which are notorious for being difficult. The reason for said difficulty has nothing to do with the plant itself but with the soil and where it lives - aka its environment. If you were ever gifted an orchid and followed all the care taking instructions, only for your orchid to still wither away and dry out, you’re not alone.

As with many new skills I picked up over the years, I learned from TikTok creators who became experts. Creators like Ian Caroll, who are now leading the fight in the war on information and transparency against the corporate conglomerates and oligarchs who exploit us all. While I didn’t learn about root rot from Mr. Caroll, I learned plenty and continue to learn about the ways in which, we as a society are often taken advantage of.

Orchids are beautiful and require very little, but like any living thing, they have their own special needs. Orchids thrive off indirect sunlight and hate being overcrowded or overwatered. Unfortunately, grocery stores and many retailers of orchids, provide the exact opposite. Why?

The answer is simple - so you can buy a new orchid. Most people, including myself, have no understanding of what orchids or any plants needs are other than water and sunlight. We trust that the people providing us with these plants, ones that we hope will last and survive longer than their freshly cut counterparts from the farms, will be given to us in their best condition, including the pots they’re purchased in.

Sadly, these orchids are most often stuffed to the pots brim with moss or some other filler that acts in place of soil. The roots don’t get the proper aeration they need or the sunlight they are so desperate for.

It wasn’t until I learned through a TikTok creator that the orchids we buy, are not made to last. Does anyone get told that? Is anyone warned to look out for signs?

I know it might seem trivial to many of you, but orchids are often expensive. They’re given in place of flowers that would otherwise be thrown out. They’re given with the intention that if cared for, they will bloom again for a lifetime.

I love my plants, and I remember each one that was gifted to me and when. Not to sound like a crazy person but I believe in energy in all things, in plants, in our actions, and especially in how and where we exert our own energy. That theory solidified this year.

On my birthday last year, I was given two orchids. One survived and one did not. I put the same love and attention into them, watered them and placed them in the same light. The only difference was their initial environment. The one that died was held in a mixture of moss and wood-like chips or rocks, and in a silicone planter with no drainage holes. The other, I had to repot because it got so large.

Today, the same orchid that had been thriving, needed some extra care and attention. I noticed that the roots had started whitening last week and I’ve been somewhat restless about her since. I took the plunge today and I emptied the pot to find that it was much moister than it should have been. The moss mixture that it was originally planted in worked for a while, but the roots had grown so much, there was no more room in the pot for it too breathe.

The orchid and I are similar. We both find ourselves battling our environments. The difference is, I can make changes, and the orchid is helpless without me.

Despite my fear of what might be inside the pot, I took the orchid out today and gave her a good clean. I am going to try a tip I learned from the plant lover community and treat the roots with some hydrogen peroxide, let it dry out for the day, and I will repot her in a new comfortable home tomorrow.

I’ve known that I could or should do this to my plants for months, if not years, so why did I wait?

The same reason I waited to take time off of work or to see a specialist about my pain; I didn’t want to believe that there was an issue at all. The more obvious reason was that I was scared there might be fungus gnats (God forbid) or that the damage would be too far gone (and gross) to repair. I’m very proud to say that with gloves I was able to empty and clean the roots and I’m hopeful it might work!

As with most consumers buying the orchids, they don’t want to believe that these retailers are intentionally selling a product destitute and made for the trash. Oh, the disillusionment. While I don’t think that orchids would be the catalyst to the capitalist revolution, I do see the parallels between root rot and societal discontent.

Academics have been warning us for years that we’re on the verge of recession or world war, and the only reason that hasn’t become a reality, is that no one wants to admit we might already be there. The wars haven’t stopped, not ever. The economy never recovered, the wealthy just found new ways to do the same thing they have always done, take and hoard. The wealth gap is the largest it has ever been, and the victims are regular people, not to forget to mention, the entire plant.

When you see signs of root rot in your plants, don’t wait and hope they will recover. Take the plant out, snip off the rotted roots, and give your plant baby a chance of survival. Not every plant will show the same signs, just like humans, they all have slightly different needs and personalities.

Therefore, just like in humans, our plants need a little bit of tender love and care. Take some time today and give yourself some TLC too, I’m sure you deserve it. Don’t wait for the roots to rot, give yourself a chance to breathe too.

Salam friends, chat tomorrow!  

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Birthday Orchid 8 months later - this baby grew NINE (9) whole flowers that were the size of my palms. The petals were shimmery like they were sprayed with glitter and they bloomed all summer, it was incredible. I stared at her for hours a day.

The rot was mainly on the inner roots where the moss had become so compacted around the base of the plant. I snipped off the weaker/mushy roots and kept the ones that were plump and firm. I rinsed the roots off with warm water. I am spraying the roots with 3% hydrogen peroxide today and will repot her tomorrow in new orchid soil with a better pot and holder.

Test of Today - Never-Ending Chores

November 8th, 2025

Salam.

Today’s test is simpler to explain than most. In this day and age, I know that the general population often feels overwhelmed by the everyday responsibilities. Battling depression and anxiety has made some of these tasks especially difficult, mentally that is.

The tasks seem so voluminous that I struggled to know where to begin. Then I think back to moments where I can’t rest until I’ve deep-cleaned the baseboards and dusted every surface, including using a toothbrush to loosen the dryer vents.

In August, our washing machine started leaking so we couldn’t use it without risking damage. And for over a month, we couldn’t do laundry unless I handwashed. We aren’t allowed to use drying racks like we did when I was growing up on our balconies and realistically, you wouldn’t find much success since its raining 80% of the time anyway. Thankfully we had enough bedsheets and undergarments to spare but we were running out of vessels to contain our used clothes.

The stubborn part of me (which is very strong) refused to send our clothing out for cleaning or to use a laundromat and pay to use the machines. We had a machine in our apartment that was supposed to be working. The reason the leak took so long to fix was because our building management refused to listen to us about the origin of the leak and dismissed us. Needless to say, the technician had to visit us twice in a month to tell us that the machine was improperly installed and that the hose connecting to the main water access was the root of the issue.

God Bless my husband because in my vindication and validation, I wanted to unleash some of my untapped rage unto the person who was dismissing and patronizing us (mainly me) through this debacle.

Once we were finally able to do the laundry again, we had cycles going on repeat, but we were cautious and nervous for another leak. Now that time has passed, the end of the pile-up was in sight, but then I saw the new laundry we had created again.

Because at the end of it, there will always be laundry to do. That is if you change your clothes regularly and wash them, which we all should.

In my overwhelmed state of my mind and my avoidance, I genuinely wanted to throw out half of the piles in the name of “minimalism.” Would that solve the issue? Honestly, it just might.

But then I would have immense anxiety when I remembered that I needed something or wanted to use/wear something in that stack I got rid of. Then I would guilt myself for parting ways with that item because I would then convince myself that I needed it again.

It’s a vicious cycle of doubt and constant interruption. Everyday, mundane tasks can seem like climbing mountains and parting oceans.

Another commitment I made to myself early on in my healing journey, was to always do at least one productive thing a day. No matter how tired or anxious I was, I committed to upholding a standard for myself.

Do a load of laundry.

Take out the trash.

Do the dishes.

Make a meal.

Feed the cats. **

Play with the cats. **

Clean the litter box. **

When it comes to the cats, those are non-negotiables. Their lives depend on me and my husband, and we take that responsibility seriously. They love us unconditionally – despite yelling at us at 2 am because we aren’t awake to play. They check on us throughout the day if we’re busy working or binging a new show. They chirp and yap to us about their days and especially when its time for food.

The cats are anything but a chore to us.

Realizing that we take care of our pets more than we spend taking care of ourselves, made us want to do better, for them and us.

We all have the chores that we hate to do, and some days, all chores seem too overwhelming to handle. It often seems purposeless when you think that you just have to repeat it all the next day or week.

My therapist helped me shift my perspective around these tasks. She asked me to shift the way I spoke to myself. Instead of telling myself I had to do XYZ but I was tired and in pain, I would say I’m tired and I’m going to do XYZ anyway. I know it seems overly simple, but it genuinely helped me.

It validated that I was going to feel the way I felt, and despite it, I still had the willpower and strength to do what I needed to do.

So yes, there will always be laundry to do.

There will always be tasks that we consider as “chores”, that are often the last things we want to do. Thus, we should just accept that and instead, see it as an accomplishment that we want to take care of ourselves. Caring for yourself is as admirable as caring for others, you just have to feel and believe that you are worth it.

Ahead of the Sunday scary’s and the chores we all anticipate, I encourage you (and myself) to give yourself some grace. Do what you need to do, and don’t make yourself feel worse for it.

Be kind to yourself, even if that means folding some laundry and treating yourself to a big ol’ chocolate chip cookie.

Salam from me and my cookies!

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today - Consistency vs. Monotony

November 7th, 2025

Salam.

Happy Friday. Jumaa’ Mubaraka.

I hate to sound boring but I guess that’s partially what I signed myself up for by doing this challenge.

Prior to the concussion and the diagnoses, I didn’t have an “issue” with routine. I obviously could still procrastinate but I didn’t generally have an issue with having daily tasks and getting them done, that is until that changed.

The daily urge to say “kids these days” had to often be supressed because I found myself living my life more akin to the older generation. Once I joined the workforce after university, I enjoyed going to the office. I enjoyed venting with my friends and going to weekly hot pilates classes together to destress from it all. From weekly trivia to weekend studying, I thrived when I was busy.

Some days, I struggle walking up the hill back home now. I have issues with pain, so my sleep pattern was heavily disrupted. Similarly, I haven’t had the same attention span I did years ago nor the ability to focus for hours on end with no interruption.

Though some of these challenges are just par for the course of growing up but I know that I’ve also become so fearful of disrupting my own comfort and safety, that I’ve allowed myself to become complacent to my circumstances. While I used to have routine, I would never have described my life as tedious or predictable.

Now, I can most often predict what my days will look and feel like - stressors included. I think a major reason is that I’m afraid of the outcomes. I’m afraid of failing or somehow injuring myself further.

The last year has been difficult for a myriad of reasons and the only way I see myself coming out of this mental rut is by forcing change. Taking time away from work for my health was one of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make but it has truly forced me to reflect and commit to myself.

I’ve been living a monotonous life the last several months. I’ve been driving the self-proverbial ship on autopilot and dissociating from the fact that I’ve been struggling.

Autopilot is great until you need to decide, do you go left or right?

I started this challenge so I could remind myself that consistency is not the same as monotony. To be reliable and accountable, is not the same as being unstable and irresponsible. Words have meaning after all and as I have learned, the way we speak to and about ourselves is extremely important.

This generation struggles with consistency, I think. We love options but we’re often inhibited by the overwhelming number we’re constantly surrounded by. We fear monotony but deep-down, we crave consistency.

Whether it’s our food or our clothes, we are craving the quality of what used to be, at least that’s what I believe. Our minds and bodies know that there was a time where we didn’t have to buy prebiotic or probiotic food, we just ate foods that nourished us. We didn’t have to worry about chemicals in our clothing leeching into our skin. The constant worry and need to do everything “right” are immobilizing, whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not.

On this health journey, I’ve been committed to researching my diagnoses and looking for holistic ways to manage my symptoms and my pain. I hate taking pain killers every day and especially multiple times a day - and that is what I was doing for months. It made me physically irritated and mental sick; I got the pill “ick” as the kids would say.

I’m trying to rebuild the consistency I’ve been missing in my life. From my physical routine to the mental one, I am trying to rebuild the foundation that I spent two decades constructing. I’m extremely grateful for the people that helped me then and are helping me now, because God knows I’d be lost without them.

Any tips on building good habits or on pain management, my inbox is open! I’ll happily share what I’ve learned as well if anyone is interested too.

That’s all for today, folks.

Ta-ta and Salam, friends.

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today - Remembering

November 6, 2025

Salam.

Today has been generally better than previous days in terms of my productivity. I was able to work for several hours on my developing business and on website design, which I have to say I am aged 5 years each time I must modify or edit content. I am forever inspired and impressed by people who can code and comprehend computers like that.

If I was left to my own devices and computer skills, without the aid of the internet and my husband, I would have given up and bought a typewriter ages ago. I take pride in my boomer aesthetic and mindset until I realize how close that reality may become.

Struggling with memory, can be very scary and frustrating. Especially when others view you as intelligent, analytical, and often with vivid recall.

Any avid viewer of movies or series will tell you often be able to describe a character that was afflicted with mental condition that involved struggling with memory. From amnesia to dementia, to schizophrenia and even concussions, millions are exposed to the terminology without ever understanding the symptoms that follow these conditions.

Aside from the obvious gaps in memory or struggle to recall information, many of these conditions cause severe anxiety and depression. Aside from the physical symptoms of some of these conditions, the psychological and mental illnesses that inevitably follow are just as life threatening.

I always said that when I turned 25, I would get a genome test to determine if I was at risk for any hereditary diseases. I’m on the verge of turning 27 and I could not want that less for myself at this moment in time.

___________

My husband and his previous roommates gave me the nickname “facts machine” in 2020. We were stuck indoors and decided to explore the plethora of movie and series options at our fingertips. I, being the kind and gracious person I am, wanted to share the facts that I learned or knew related to what we were often watching.

For example, I had influenced a Hell’s Kitchen kick in their household and they were running through the seasons. The boys would blurt out questions about the random ingredients or about some of the guest judges, and I just happened to know the answers. It was sometimes as simple as explaining what a parsnip was.

I was given a lot more credit than the information was due.

_________

After getting concussed, I struggled to remember things. Things I just spoke about. Things I had just read. So, I started writing notes on my hands like I did in high school when I forgot my agenda. I left sticky notes for myself around the house and at work. Learning from my neurologist appointment that this behaviour was par for the course was hurtful to hear but also extremely validating.

I felt like I was a lesser version of myself because the same person who was once quick with a response, now had to allow herself time to “process.”

I felt small. I felt like I didn’t deserve the degrees I had anymore or the accolades I’d acquired with my friends and family.

Looking back now on this time, I feel sorry for how harsh I was on myself during this time.

I truly think that getting a concussion was a partial reality check for me too. It pushed me and my husband to want to be better versions of ourselves, for each other and our families. Being both concussed at the same time, we didn’t really have the wherewithal to tiptoe around each other or our emotions.

We took care of ourselves so that we could take care of each other, at least that’s how I see it now in hindsight. Going through what we did together, could have split us apart but I thank Allah SWT every day, that it brought us closer together and to our Deen.

It taught us a lot about ourselves and each other.

I don’t recommend getting concussions together as a relationship tool… However, I do recommend some of the lessons I learned through our healing journey’s together that I think some people can benefit from in their daily life.

I’m still very scared of the future. I know that I’m at risk for several neuro-degenerative diseases including Parkinson’s and Alzheimer’s, but I am a lot more secure in myself and my relationships to know that I won’t be alone, in this life or the next.

___________

This date, five years ago, was the date that my husband and I decided we would commit to each other.

Our official wedding anniversary isn’t until next week - but we always wish each other ‘happy anniversary’ on both dates.

Except that we both almost forgot the date today! Thankfully for this post, I remembered and so that meant so did he.

If I hadn’t also forgotten, I may have been upset but that’s how the cookie crumbles and I’m glad for it.

Ta-ta for now and Salam, friends!

Test of Today - The Mamdani Effect

November 5th, 2025

Salam.

I should have always started my introductions like that, but I’ve officially been inspired. I’m Muslim first after all and I should be proud of that.

For those unaware, salam translates literally to peace. That’s how we say hello and goodbye. Due to the broad expansion and influence of Islam, the word has even descended into the Tagalog as well - selamat meaning thank you.

Zohran inspired millions (maybe even billions?) over the last year with his candor and his ability to relate to the masses. For the first time in a very long time, there was a politician that was unapologetically concerned with people over property. It seems insane to say but that is the truth, most governments and their representatives have become far more concerned with the exploitation and extraction of resources, the protection of corporate property, and burying the general public in major debt to distract from it all.

All I can do is pray that Zohran Mamdani and his family are protected by the Grace of Allah SWT and that he is not influenced or coerced to become a sell-out like his predecessors.

For all the people of colour that were compared to their peers by their parents and their friends, you are not alone. What Mamdani has accomplished is incredible, but he has made it all the more difficult for the rest of us to please our parents. So, thank you, Zohran.

In all seriousness, I feel as I felt when I was in the sixth grade seeing the first Black American President and believing that we were truly in a time of change. Obviously, my hopes were shattered in my first year of university when Mr. Grab Em’ by the P***y was elected… let alone re-elected. Not to say that I would have supported Kamala either, she is also a war criminal and a traitor to women and people of colour. Good thing I’m not an American so my opinions on American politics don’t have any concrete difference.

A coworker of mine was shocked and offended that I would have even considered not voting for Kamala Harris. Despite my explaining that if either of us were able to vote in the USA (which we could not), the only reasonable candidate that I would vote for based on policy alone was (and is) Dr. Jill Stein and Butch Ware. I still follow Butch Ware and hope that he is chosen as governor or senator or even President if able. Despite what the public views as selfish in “splitting the vote”, it is our duty to vote for people we can actually have faith in, to do the job we elect them to do.

I find great issue with the electoral college as with most of the sane world. It does not make sense to call America a true democracy because the electoral college is antithetical to the ideology of democracy.

I feel the philosophical debate of authority bubbling within me, but I will not give in to the spiral today.

Instead, I will allow myself to feel some shrapnel of hope for the future of American politics and quell my youthful cynicism.

I’m only 6 years younger than Mr. Mamdani but I can’t help but wonder how much one can accomplish in six years.

Salam, friends – Ta-ta for now!

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today - Self Soothing

Hi, friends.

I debated starting today’s post with a joke. Then I came to the conclusion that if I have to force a joke, then it probably isn’t going to be funny. As with most things in life, you can’t force an outcome, despite how hard you try.

I struggle with control. Be that control of my thoughts, emotions, appetite, or even the world around me, I struggle with wanting to control aspects of my life.

Dealing with a chronic illness that no one see’s, I felt like I could always control the narrative, at least. I could control people’s perceptions of me, despite the fact I could not control what was happening to me.

Going to therapy for PTSD, anxiety, and depression, I learned that my issues around control stemmed from these learned experiences. It became a way of my body trying to protect my mind in a time where I was trying to survive.

I startled to struggle with elements of obsessive compulsive disorder and more specifically the paranoia, but not in the way that I would see it represented on the screen. I thought that I was just being “picky” and everyone had their preferences. I prefer to host people in my space versus going out because I can control the activities, the food, the environment, and especially the guestlist. I stopped socializing as much because I became fearful, not of my friends but of all the strangers whose behaviour I couldn’t predict. I became a hermit - someone who enjoyed their shell, because it was safer than the outside.

While I have gotten so much better thanks to therapy, my family, and of course, my faith, I still struggle. Having a chronic illness that is dynamic, I often struggle with showing up, because some days I’m physically unable and other days, I feel like I can take on the world, only to be very quickly humbled by my own body.

I never had much FOMO growing up and still don’t, unless I am going through a flare up. I have work FOMO. I have girls night FOMO. I have wedding FOMO (majorly). When my body has decided that I am not going to be in attendance, I suddenly feel like lazy, crazy cat lady. I make myself feel worse, despite already feeling pretty crappy.

It wasn’t until my therapist twisted the conversation around on me and asked me if I would talk to my friends or family the way I speak to myself. I sat there, silent, just like the blinking man meme. She was completely right.

If my friend had told me that they were sorry for not coming to my wedding or birthday because they were in sick, let alone in pain and crying, I wouldn’t think twice about consoling them, telling them they should never apologize. So - why couldn’t I afford myself the same grace?

Ever since that conversation and learning about the effects of negative self talk on the psyche long term, I’ve been trying to be kinder to myself. I’ve learned to control some things and let go of others. This is not to say that I’m completely healed and devoid of all self-doubt and anxiety, quite the opposite actually.

I allow myself to feel the feelings instead of trying to shame them into suppression. Instead, I let myself cry; perhaps I coax a few more tears with so dramedy or some cute animal videos. When I’m frustrated and angry, I allow myself take out my aggression on my cleaning products and give the apartment a good deep clean… including punching out the mattress and pillows. By the end of it, I feel a lot lighter in mind and in body.

So instead of belittling myself for feeling my feelings this morning, I did the dishes, went for a walk, and made myself a fall-themed bouquet. I learned that my new favourite seasonable flower is the Helleborus (aka Lenton Rose). When the walk started to hurt, I thanked myself for picking up some massage balls, I might have to go back for the heated blanket though…

I still struggle with control - it is difficult to let go of the reality that we no power over the world around us.

I’m learning to be kinder to myself, confident in my choices, and comfortable in my own skin.

The migraine isn’t gone yet so excuse the brevity and the dynamicity of my thoughts. Today’s test was trusting myself, now we wait to see what tomorrow will bring.

Ta-ta for now.

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today - Migraine on Monday

November 3rd, 2025

Howdy.

Today’s post will be brief - for the very simple reason that my brain and my mind are not cooperating today. If you have never experienced a migraine, I think you should count your lucky stars (and thank God while you’re at it).

I’ve suffered from chronic migraines for almost a decade now. What causes them? No idea, but the doctors have alluded to the potential link between hormonal fluctuations as a potenital cause. Chronic migraine syndrome is a condition that mostly affects women, it has not been vastly studied by the medical community.

Most women’s issues aren’t studied and if I get into that now, my migraine will only worsen, so I will leave that can of abhorrent worms for another day.

So instead, I’m going to poetically describe what my migraines feel like and some of the random tricks I’ve seen women on the internet try to subdue their migraine symptoms.

Migraine on Monday

It starts as a deep itch, one that can’t be scratched,

you have a sneaking suspicion that its coming but you can’t be sure.

So you do what the books tell you,

eat something salty, drink lots of water, and rest.

Then, it emerges despite your efforts without a cure.

Going to the doctor, well, that would be another test.

Relating to Dracula and the vampiric feeling,

where light is the enemy and darkness is healing.

When aura is not seen but felt,

on your bare head, you’d rather let ice melt.

Pulling your hair or pressing your eyebrows intensely,

brings more relief than the medicine they recommend immensely.

For a migraine is not fixed by lying down,

but it sure as hell will make you frown.

The worst part of it all though,

is thinking at all,

is like your brain stubbing your big toe.

I’m hoping this will be gone tomorrow. I might have something more juicy to write about tomorrow…

So, ta-ta for now!

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today - A Committment to Myself

November 2nd, 2025

Hi, there.

I woke up this morning, already anxious about writing today’s post.

I decided to challenge myself this month despite the feelings of doubt and fear of failure. I made this promise to no one but myself, so if I decided to break that promise on the very second day, what would that say about me?

Breaking a promise is one of the worst things a person can do to another person, be that in business or in a relationship. I wondered how often promises are broken and if people keep track of the promises they make.

Before I entered the legal industry, I always thought that corporate law would be easier on the emotions than family law, and at times, that can be very true. However, if I have learned one thing over the years, it is that money means more to some people than their own family (also speaking from personal experience here so I may be biased).

We learned in school that “power corrupts but absolute power corrupts aboslutely.” Replace money with power and the same stands true. I am of the opinion that there is no such thing as an ethical billionaire and here is why.

This past week, I called out Taylor Swift in the comment section of an instagram post regarding her billionaire status. Now before the capitalist bootlickers rise up, I don’t believe in ethical billionaires because I do not believe any person needs or should be allowed to have that kind of wealth. I got a lot of push back from Swifties, telling me to focus my criticism on Bezos and Musk. While I do not disagree that they too, suck, and are guilty of mass exploitation and various human rights and environmental violations, I don’t understand why Ms. Swift is exempt from all criticism at all? Because she is a woman? Well, Oprah, Selena, and Kim K. all deserve to be criticized for their wealth and neglect towards basic humanity as well.

No one person should be exempt from criticism. Nor should anyone be applauded for perfomative actions such as donating to local food drives or giving your own employees bonuses (both of which are tax deductible aka allows for more wealth hoarding).

From the plague that is celebrity culture and the eery parasocial relationship created by fandoms, emerges a codependence between the fan and the celebrity. To support someone so much that you would be willing to not only emulate their attire, follow their movements, and spend your life savings to see them in concert from a distance for less than six hours, is inconsciounable to me today. I cannot understand it. What does the fan receive in return for their efforts and their hard earned money? What had to have transpired for their to be such a deep, soul binding connection between these two people? Where the one being adored has no knowledge or understanding of the person they are performing for, the patron of their talent at the end of the day.

In the Renaissance, patrons of the arts would commission pieces and watch the artists create. There was a symbiotic relationship between the two, where the artist’s work would hopefully gain favour of the other elites and thereby raising the status of the patron of the artist themselves. So, I often wonder, is it the same today?

Does the average fan act for the same purposes as the patron? Does the artist care about the content of their work or only that they gain the favour of the elites? Who held the power in the relationship? The patron or the artist?

Regardless of the artist or the patron, what will last beyond either of the two is the art and the influence it generated. Often because someone (a royal) paid a lot of money to buy and secure said art as their own. Why else do the wealthy (including European Museums) hoard so many artifacts and pieces away from the public? Money is status and money determines power.

Sorry for the philosophical meandering. I say all this to make a point, I swear. The point is - money corrupts. So when a person has access to all the money (and power) they could never fathom, it will corrupt them. Therefore, billionaires are not ethical because there should never be enough wealth accumulated to acheive that status.

When Taylor Swift and Oprah Winfrey decided to tell millions of people that they were champions of human rights, supporters of women, and they gained the trust of the masses as well as amassing their fortunes, did they not make a promise to the people that supported them? To the fans that gave them their platform? To their employees that put in the work to get their voices heard?

I was personally heartbroken to learn that Oprah wasn’t the humanitarian I grew up believing her to be. I felt like she had committed fraud and I was genuinely puzzled that people didn’t hold her accountable. I’m still astounded at how well her PR team works to keep her name unsullied in the public eye. So I guess I shouldn’t be surprised by the Swifties tenacity and propensity to live this life, idolizing a persona not based in reality (even despite the alleged N@zi associations).

So, I wonder about the promises made and not kept. I wonder about the unspoken social contracts formed and then later broken.

Anywho - those are my ramblings for the day. Instead of breaking a promise to myself, I reflected on the ferocity of Swifties and their loyalty to their supreme leader.

Day 2 - Success? You let me know!

Ta-ta for now!

Disclaimer: I don’t use AI to write, research, or edit my content. I like to use dashes so please don’t fault me for that!

Test of Today - Getting Started.

November 1st, 2025

Hello, again.

It has been a few years since I allowed myself to share my thoughts, at least officially that is. For my friends or followers who haven’t muted me yet on Instagram, you all know that I haven’t stopped expressing my immense discontentedness with the state of the world and its affairs.

I started to write so many times but I was, and still am, going through a period of great uncertainty and insecurity in my life. For the past few years, I’ve been recovering from post-concussive syndrome, along with battling a host of other issues that I won’t delve into right now, but ultimately, I have been trying to heal. In my personal opinion, having experienced both mental injuries and various physical injuries in my life (broken bones included), physical injuries are often easier to cope with.

I never had issues focusing. I could read for hours and hours and not get tired.

My mother would have to check on me after my bedtime to make sure I didn’t stay up reading. My family would try their hardest to distract me from the pages of whatever young adult novel I was reading at the time but it never worked.

So when I wasn’t able to read like that anymore, I got angry. I didn’t know it at the time, but I did. I was constantly frustrated with myself, staring at my library in resentment, thinking about how the words on those worn out pages used to bring me comfort and even joy. I read one book over two years for leisure.

12-year-old me would have been ashamed to say the very least, and she wasn’t very soft with her words.

I didn’t realize I was so angry and so frustrated with myself until earlier this year. I placed an order of books from an indigenous bookstore because they were donating to the Palestinian Children’s Relief Fund. The books arrived but remained in their box until months later.

Then I started a book that I thought would inspire me. While it did just that, it also made me cry and face realities that I didn’t expect. What I thought was going to be a pointed and critical discussion about immigration and racism transformed into exploring deep trauma from assimilation to the systemic disenfranchisement of immigrants to the barriers against women in healthcare and the stigma around mental health struggles. So it took me a couple of months to get through the first book of the year - I AM SORRY.

But then I decided to read something - light. The way that I wizzed through that book in less than 48 hours while still working full-time made the inner child in me do cartwheels. My husband, who I have been married to coming on three years now, was shocked. Even though he sat right next to me for the majority of fixation until I was complete, he was in awe (his words, not mine).

I cried. Not because the book was sad or my husband’s reaction, but because it was the first time in our whole marriage that I was able to read and enjoy it the way I used to. I was called a nerd throughout primary and secondary school. I took pride in that because it didn’t prevent me from also being the bossy leader of the study groups or the goofy chorus singer in the school play. So when I finally realized that in the last few years, I wasn’t acting like myself in so many ways, it was the silver lining I was unknowingly searching for. It was a sign that I was finally getting better - barring any more reconcussions (there were a few…).

So in the spirit of moving forward, for the next thirty days, I’m challenging myself to post my thoughts about my daily struggles. I’m using this time as an opportunity to gain my back some confidence but also to hold myself accountable, to myself. I owe it to myself to get better, physically and mentally.

Thus, my test of the day was just getting started. I have struggled with prioritizing myself and my goals. I’ve been insecure and unsure of myself and my voice, therefore, I decided that the best way to break out of that cycle was to commit.

I look forward to the next 29 days and what tests await me. Hopefully I’ll learn a few things by then.

Ta-ta for now!

P.S. November came at the perfect time because I needed a reason to start this and give myself a deadline. What better deadline than my 27th birthday?