Test of Today - Irony

November 15, 2025

Salam, all.

Irony. Often missed by the masses but prevalent none the less.

I was so busy overthinking that while I prepared yesterday’s post, I forgot to actually – post. The ironic part of this moment is that, had this mistake happened a year ago, I likely would have given up on this challenge all together – instead, I’m admitting that I still have faults because I am not a robot at the end of the day (though they are very faulty as well). I committed to doing this challenge for no one but myself, so it didn’t matter if it wasn’t posted on time, as long as it was written on time.

This irony is twofold, though. I say that I would have reacted differently to making the same mistake because I’m at a very different place mentally than a year ago. I was working myself to the point of burn out almost every month. It was making me so ill that I could never really recover, but I thought that doing “nothing” on the weekends was my recovery. Except that the nothing would be all the personal and household responsibilities that I would pass off for the same time.

Now, I can’t imagine putting myself through that knowing how I feel now. As they say, hindsight is 20/20.

In the same breath, will this mean that I will never work myself to the point of burn out again? Probably not, because I still care deeply about the work I do and I respect my responsibilities too much.

I was the nerd that missed school when we were on summer break. I enjoyed learning, though I didn’t enjoy all the subjects equally. I’m humble enough to acknowledge that I will likely never understand or be able to assist anyone with physics or complex math beyond grade 10. I know that my skills and my passions lie elsewhere, and that I would be of much better use in those fields as a result.

Say what you will about Chinese and Russian politics, but I understand and respect the idea that you would want to enrich and encourage children to excel and work on skills that they are naturally gifted in. Granted, I do believe that the children have a right to dislike and make choices for themselves as well. I didn’t want to do ballet forever, and eventually I signed up for Taekwondo in the third grade. Do I have a black belt? Absolutely, not even close. I do, however, recall most of the ballet positions I learned and the techniques around stage presence and performance. Taekwondo taught me humility and a subtle grace, while I couldn’t be the strongest in the room, I could be clever.  Ballet taught me discipline and so did Taekwondo.

Ironically, my competitiveness didn’t truly flourish until I joined a different kind of fighting ring. The verbal one, that is. Model United Nations and Debate Club. Its not a surprise to my family that I decided to pursue a career in law, or to really who knows me. I love a good debate, but I lost some of that fervour after I was concussed and dealing with other personal issues. Fighting wasn’t fun, it was stressful and exhausting, in every sense.

A part of this challenge for me was also learning to find balance, in all things. I was looking for a way to still show I care, to express myself and my views, but also not let it consume me to the point that I no longer am of use to anyone, including myself.

I’m still learning to do that – finding that balance will be a lifelong mission, I think.

Thus, I find humour in these moments now, that used to scare and immobilize me. There will never be a part of me that isn’t scared to fall back into that place, but I can’t be scared to live for the rest of my life.

Salam.